Ive been watching everyone bustling around, putting up their decorations, laughing, singing and giggling with anticipation..all with dreaded fear, tears that seem to pop out of nowhere and the most unexpected times..I am so jealous of what they have right in front of their eyes. They dont need presents to tell someone they love them or to show how much they mean to them.. they have their loved ones, their families all together. What I wouldn't give to have my family back, to have my baby girl at home where she belongs.
I bought a few things , just to keep the twins from feeling left out when they went back to school and heard all the kids talking about what they got from that fat red guy who has taken away what the day is all about. I wrapped a few but didnt have it in me so they lay naked against the tree ( if you can call it a tree) with a bow attached..it didnt matter.
We all sat around in the room filled with heaviness and sadness, which we tried to hide as best as we could, watching them open the gifts and thank everyone but it was like they were looking for something else,expected something else.
Later that night as I was tucking them in, taking turns rocking them , singing our song , I asked what was wrong..thats when they told me.. they had asked Santa to bring me a present but he never..I asked what was it? They asked that he bring Santa home for me and that he make me not so sad anymore...Now I knew what they were looking for.. the same thing I was.. my Alyssa...now I know for sure there is no such thing as Santa.. its all lies, all made up..just a farce of a monetary society that only gives and believes in kindness one time a year.