Im almost sure it is still night as my body feels like it has not slept in days ,I peak at the clock.4:45 am but I have no idea what day it is or what day it should be.
Huddle under my blanket as my eyes are not accustomed to the darkness surrounding me, my ears are alarmed to the crashing of the wind against the power lines banging upon the house forcing me to grab on tight to the fleece that cocoons me.
I hear doors opening and closing...my nerves are at an all time high of rubbing raw from the jumping against each other....who is in my house? I hear dragging footsteps moving softly across the floors and stairs ,rustling through the cupboards. my mind races ...what could they be looking for?I have no money and everything else isnt worth breaking into my home for..it must be the meds...thought I had locked them up..oh no , maybe I didnt...should I go look? bag them tag them and hand them over to the culprits? Or worse , could it be the apocolyptic zombies coming to quench their thirst for blood and brains?
I turn over onto my side so that my "good" ear can get a clearer sound as to whom may be out there..I dont want to know! I feel something shift in the bed beside me..OMG..its too late.( Ive watched too many horror movies to not assume the worst...what is making the sound under the blankets..its tormenting me,teasing me to look..On a normal day I am not afraid of creepy dolls, Freddy Krugers, Michael Myers or flesh wearing clowns but I think my day has come....Today wont be the day they take me to hell.I will NOT look!. I slowly let my legs find the edge ,being careful not to disturb the creature beneath the blankets..,I slither off the bed ,and as my face hits the floor I try hard to muffle my screams as I come face to face with an eyeless creature surrounded in flames.( fuk, the zombies have come for me).Its the fastest time I ever bounced up off the floor.I ran and locked myself in the dark and dreary bathroom. Shaking from adrenaline and fear I grope around the room looking for the counter..I know there is a flashlight in here somewhere..As the light shimmers across the mirror I let out a scream..what the hell was that? It was one of the scariest dishevelled creatures I have ever seen..Its eyes were black and squinty, almost lizard like, its hair was crumpled,ratted and matted..it was foaming at the mouth like it was hungry for flesh..I knew I had to get out of here..but what about the children? How would I get to them and keep them safe?
Think , think!! I try to remember the safety plans we always make for emergencies but one doesn't think of house invasion as happening to us...OK, I calm myself down...who do I save first ; the closest or the furthest away from me, the youngest or the oldest?? I cant decide..I decide to not decide and let chance take over. I crawl along the hallway and my hand reaches the first door....
Outside her doorway I notice the light is on... I hear someone! they are in there with her..my poor baby.Im scanning around for a weapon..they wont get her over my dead body...I reach around the hallway corner as I know there should be a bat there..I hear the rustling around in her room, the mumbling of words... I slowly start to turn the doorknob and the light switches off. .great, now they know I am here......
My whole being is on alert as I hear an alarm echoing through...OMG what is going on? What could possibly be happening? My mind files through all the local stories of doom and disaster of the past week..Cpl. Nathan Cirillo being gunned down while guarding a historical monument outside of Parliament Hill in Ottawa ,Warrant Officer Patrice Vincent who was fatally run over on Monday by a Nissan driven by Martin Couture-Rouleau, a Muslim convert whom the RCMP had investigated as an Islamic State sympathizer, planes being diverted, children missing, Isis group torturing and beheading of innocent people ,the Ebola outbreak ..the list is endless.
The sound is so deafening, the whole neighbourhood has to be under attack..is the world coming to an end? are my parents ok next door or did someone get them too? tears are streaming down my face as the thoughts of all my loved ones are gone...The doorknob turns..this it is I think to myself..do I lay here pretending Im dead or stand up and start swinging the bat? My legs wont work...I look up to face the dark and twisted 6 ft monster who has ruined my life, he is carrying a bag ,is it a garbage bag containing body parts? It walks over me without uttering a word..stomping down the stairs 2 at a time...it stops..Oh no its coming back for me..I'm not ready to go yet! It looks at me and whispers "Mom, are you ready yet? Im going to be late for swim practise"
I look at the creature, I am confused, where, who , what how? I pick myself up , walk into the bathroom, look into the mirror..my hair is a mess and my mascara has covered in my swollen tired eyes .I smooth it down and try to clean up my face. I walk over to open the bedroom curtains --what just happened? I bend down to pick up the hair clip that has fallen and come face to face with the halloween mask the boys dropped under the bed..darn little devils. I grab the blankets to straighten them out and see the 2 little munchkins snoring and tucked deep inside them..I dont know how they sleep through the 4:50 am alarm.
I reach for the little blue pills that are supposed to keep my life on track and this freaking thyroid disease under control.. I put them back..they are not working!
I grab the car keys and head for the door....we are going to be late again
And so another day of sleepless nights begins again........
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Well lucky me! It seems that I have won the lottery...a dumptruck full of bad luck.
Have you ever had one of them weeks where you thought it would never end and things couldn't get worse?If you have , then welcome to life as I know it.
It all seemed to start of a beautiful week . I woke up to the lovely sound of 3yr old twins screaming at 4am...such a lovely and peaceful sound:(.No matter how many times it happens my heart still ends up in my chest as I think the worse has happened.But alas its just them missing me and wanting to crawl in my warm bed and hog the blankets. So I race back to sleep as I know that in the next 45 minutes I have to get up and drive to the pool.....tick tock tick tock..watching the clock so I don't miss the alarm ......I drag them out to the car ,they are so excited as they think its so great to be out in the dark....look at the gas gauge and wonder how I will manage to push the car home with twins laughing all the way.
The day got calmer and things went on as usual,,breakfast, tea, playtime and of course using the washroom ,which for 3 yr olds is always playtime and them being so independent I have to let them go on their own...they want privacy. I should know better that what they actually want to do is torment me lol. Out he comes with a grin as big as a Cheshire cat..he had done what he set out to do. I go into the washroom, reach for the handle and flush..but a sickening feeling rushes over me as I watch the tissue laden toilet swirl and chug along..did I catch a glimpse of something else? Oh ffs..not again! We just finally replaced the toilet after the last "private" moment...( he had managed to wedge a hair pick deep inside it..).this time it was the most expensive 99 cent travel shampoo.....he was so proud as he told me he threw a blue and white poison down the toilet....I could cry....I couldn't wait for bedtime!!! and its only 9 am.
The week slowly munched along...the house a mess, the boys doing the normal crying for what they want, their usual bantering back and forth with the odd eye scratch, hair torn out,legs bruised legs and hurt feelings.The girls have assignments due, swim team practice, work schedules,figuring out volunteer hours and trying to organize myself so I can keep everyone else organized....then out of nowhere comes another boom....a 452.00 cell phone bill....thought I was seeing things once again....not to be the case....( I don't own a cell phone so I don't know much about data useage but I do know that it is almost impossible to do that much damage if the data is turned off)..so the fight began with the cell phone carrier. I pulled out my suit of useless information out of the closet and put on my big girl underwear and prepared for battle. It was one of epic proportion...Im sure they had some egg on their face to clean up and I had to try to lower my blood pressure . My voice was hoarse from yelling explicit abc's at the computer...In the end ..between emails, telephone calls and a visit to one of their offices....it seems to be settled...time to enjoy a nice cup of tea I thought...it only lasted a few hours....until the roof collapsed in.
A parents nightmare is one where their children have their license..one always wonders if they are ok..until you get that dreaded call...'mom, I was in an accident'
Its funny how life flashes before your eyes in a matter of seconds...Holy fluk a duck! there is no way that this is happening..after all....I had already submitted my hours of front line battle for this week.....I ask if she is ok....she was rear ended:( my poor baby girl..the visions I had I don't want to even say......so that has begun a new chapter of bullshit to deal with..
First its the call to the police, the call to the "other" person and hope they are sensible...the travel to get estimates, the uncertainty of legitability of said other person....the calls to the always helpful insurance( they always make you feel like you have done something wrong) ...the visit to the doctor to get checked out and see if your brain is where it is supposed to be ..only to discover that she has a soft tissue injury....here we go.. hope she doesn't end up like me and have to deal with too much pain, and hassle of trying to feel better...and then the final boom ....the doctor turns turns to me and says "you don't look well".......
I look behind me..is he talking to someone else? he better be! My week has already been overbooked for crap.....looks like its more tests for me..my nerves are shot....it cant possibly be anything else wrong with me...I want to tell him my schedule is full for the next 18 years and not to throw anymore bad luck my way ...guess he isn't listening....more tests, more questions to answer,more answers to get......time is ticking fast........don't interfere with my bucket list..after all I have this dumptruck load of bad luck to get through..I don't have time to be sidetracked......
.I have toilets that need to be replaced, holes in the walls to fill, waterpaint to wash off and gum to scrape off the pillowcases, fights to referee,bitching at homework,scrubbing floors,highschool proms and graduations and , and .......and ..................good thing they are cute......they are my bucket list!